Jeremiah just celebrated his third birthday. June 11th will never pass again without me remembering. I pray for his life and hope he is healthy and happy and most of all loved. So, again I ask Jesus to hold you in his hands and guide you.....we will never forget you. XO
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life." Proverbs 13:12
Monday, June 13, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Broken Pieces
Last night I took my kids for a quiet walk on the beach while we waited for their father to come home. It always amazes me how close I feel to God walking on the sand and last night was no exception. I didn't go seeking some big revelation more just to catch my breath after a long day and just let the kids run out some of their energy! :)
Our family loves the beach and we always make it a habit of bringing home shells or rocks...our home is filled with treasures from our family walks. I began to survey the ground to look for beautiful, whole white shells to add to my collection. I fill vases with theses shells or display them on shelves and they are beautiful reminders of special times. When we arrived it was high tide so as we walked the waters were receding. My eyes spotted a beautiful white shell buried in the sand and I bent over to pick it up...to my disappointment it was just a broken piece so I tossed it back into the waves and continued my treasure hunt. As I surveyed the shoreline more and more pieces of these beautiful brilliant white shells were turning up and I realized as far as my eye could see all there was was broken pieces. I paused and wondered if I was missing something stepping over these pieces... they were beautiful but they were broken. I began to wonder what I could do with a bunch of broken pieces....all at once it hit me that these were the same shells I proudly display at home and if I picked up all these pieces and displayed them in a clear vase it would be beautiful....beautiful to the point that no one would even see the brokenness anymore just the beauty.
I had to laugh. I began to pick up piece after piece and wash off the sand and place them in a large clam shell I had found. With every new piece that I picked up I thought about the original purpose of that broken shell. At one point it had housed life. It was whole and it was desirable but now after the waves of the ocean had broken it into pieces it appeared to have no purpose. It would appear the purpose was over. I quietly reflected on all the brokenness I have walked through and the brokenness in lives around me. I wondered how many times broken pieces are stepped over in search of a whole shell. I thought about how it is just like God to take all of those broken pieces and display them together in a vase of his glory and mercy.
Broken families, broken children, broken marriages....He specializes in picking up the pieces and making the discarded beautiful again. He knows the purpose and potential. He sees the value others miss.
I will never look at another broken shell the same way again. I want to see things the way He does. I want to see people the way He does. I want to pick up broken pieces and display their value. Help me Lord to have your heart. Help me look past my brokenness and see my purpose....help me look at the discarded and see Hope. Hope that only you can give.
If you are broken in some way there is Hope. Give Jesus the chance to pull your broken pieces back together and if you fill lucky enough to be a "whole shell" ask God to give you his heart for the ones who are not. <3
Our family loves the beach and we always make it a habit of bringing home shells or rocks...our home is filled with treasures from our family walks. I began to survey the ground to look for beautiful, whole white shells to add to my collection. I fill vases with theses shells or display them on shelves and they are beautiful reminders of special times. When we arrived it was high tide so as we walked the waters were receding. My eyes spotted a beautiful white shell buried in the sand and I bent over to pick it up...to my disappointment it was just a broken piece so I tossed it back into the waves and continued my treasure hunt. As I surveyed the shoreline more and more pieces of these beautiful brilliant white shells were turning up and I realized as far as my eye could see all there was was broken pieces. I paused and wondered if I was missing something stepping over these pieces... they were beautiful but they were broken. I began to wonder what I could do with a bunch of broken pieces....all at once it hit me that these were the same shells I proudly display at home and if I picked up all these pieces and displayed them in a clear vase it would be beautiful....beautiful to the point that no one would even see the brokenness anymore just the beauty.
I had to laugh. I began to pick up piece after piece and wash off the sand and place them in a large clam shell I had found. With every new piece that I picked up I thought about the original purpose of that broken shell. At one point it had housed life. It was whole and it was desirable but now after the waves of the ocean had broken it into pieces it appeared to have no purpose. It would appear the purpose was over. I quietly reflected on all the brokenness I have walked through and the brokenness in lives around me. I wondered how many times broken pieces are stepped over in search of a whole shell. I thought about how it is just like God to take all of those broken pieces and display them together in a vase of his glory and mercy.
Broken families, broken children, broken marriages....He specializes in picking up the pieces and making the discarded beautiful again. He knows the purpose and potential. He sees the value others miss.
I will never look at another broken shell the same way again. I want to see things the way He does. I want to see people the way He does. I want to pick up broken pieces and display their value. Help me Lord to have your heart. Help me look past my brokenness and see my purpose....help me look at the discarded and see Hope. Hope that only you can give.
If you are broken in some way there is Hope. Give Jesus the chance to pull your broken pieces back together and if you fill lucky enough to be a "whole shell" ask God to give you his heart for the ones who are not. <3
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
I am still here
Yesterday, I was in Walmart and Addy wanted to get down and walk beside me as she does now. So, she stayed real close and I kept glancing to watch her toddle along. At one point, a man put his cart between she and I (that is for another post) and I could see the fear come into her face. Just as she started to panic I said "Addy, Mommy is right here". She immediately relaxed and walked around the cart to the sound of my voice.
In that moment, God spoke to me. I thought about how easy it is to follow Him when I can "see Him" and when it is obvious the direction we are headed. Just like a child, I feel confident as I follow Him along. However, at the moment that something seemingly blocks my view of Him.... I panic. Like Adalynne, fear takes over....It was like He said just listen....Listen and hear "Daddy's is right here"....then in confidence I can begin to walk toward his voice once again.
So, whatever takes the place of the grumpy old man with a shopping cart.....anytime you feel you loose sight of Him....just stop and listen and you will hear Him say..."I am still Here"
"Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee. For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee."
Psalm 139: 7-18
In that moment, God spoke to me. I thought about how easy it is to follow Him when I can "see Him" and when it is obvious the direction we are headed. Just like a child, I feel confident as I follow Him along. However, at the moment that something seemingly blocks my view of Him.... I panic. Like Adalynne, fear takes over....It was like He said just listen....Listen and hear "Daddy's is right here"....then in confidence I can begin to walk toward his voice once again.
So, whatever takes the place of the grumpy old man with a shopping cart.....anytime you feel you loose sight of Him....just stop and listen and you will hear Him say..."I am still Here"
"Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee. For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee."
Psalm 139: 7-18
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Waiting
"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:31
The old song use to say...."Teach me Lord; Teach me Lord to wait". I think the writer was simply saying....you are going to have to teach me because waiting does not come natural and I do not know how to do it!
If you know me you know I hate to wait. I mean hate it. I don't want to wait for anything! I don't want to wait in a line or wait for a surprise. I don't want to wait to give a present or wait for a test result. Some of it is my personality, some human nature and some of it stems from being such a busy woman that waiting really feel like a complete waste of my precious time! So, when we started the adoption process I got the biggest lesson in waiting I had ever had!!
The adoption process is just that, once your paperwork is done you just wait. Wait! You have to be mentally, physically, and emotionally prepared to bring a child into your family at any moment but then wait. You have these dreams...these promises..... and yet you are forced to sit back and...wait. When you are biologically carrying a child you get an estimated due date....a light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. However, when you are "heart pregnant" with an adopted baby you have no due date....you must be ready for tomorrow but it could be weeks or month or even years. This was the hardest part for me and for most of the adoptive parents I have talked with. You feel so out of control. So vulnerable. Your heart is ready and aching. It is a painful place to be and yet we can learn so much during this time.
I learned so much about God's timing versus mine. How He really is not at all concerned or confined by our "human time". Most important I learned to Trust. To Trust His promises not based on my circumstances! See while waiting we question. If you read my prior post called Jeremiah you can really see this here. I had a promise, I had a dream but time was falling through my hands like grains of sand and the more time that passed the heavier my heart became. To the point, I began to question if I had even heard God right in the first place! Now that our family is complete it may seem silly that I felt this way.... that I found it hard to believe. I am a flawed human and so to be honest I became so weary in the waiting I questioned everything.
The other thing I learned about waiting is...it can be so lonely!! It feels as if others around you are going on with their lives and you are almost "stuck in time". You can't move forward or backward. You are just "treading water". This is where Trust and Faith comes in. This is where you can learn a deeper level of relationship with Jesus than you have ever known. To be put in a position where you learn that no matter how sad or lonely or hopeless I feel.... I choose to believe what He told me. I choose to believe what He placed in my heart. I know He is holding my hand on this journey so no matter how long it takes...I will not let go of His hand and I will keep walking! I don't care how tired I become or how tough the terrain is I will keep walking!
If you are reading this and you are waiting I know this will be hard to hear but waiting can be a gift! A gift from God to us. He can build our character and deepen our intimacy with Him. Through waiting He prepares us for the very greatness he has called us to walk into. This lesson of waiting can be used over and over in our lives and the lives of those around us. Waiting for wayward children to come back, broken marriages, healing, financial security, direction in ministry, and the list goes on and on. Life is a journey and the best things in life are so often only brought about after a "waiting period". Roman 5:3-11 tells us..."And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us."
So, whether you are a waiting adoptive parent or you are brought into this place of waiting for another reason. Allow your Heavenly Father to comfort you today and know that you will not stay in this place of waiting forever. This is a temporary season to bring you to what God ultimately has for you. Let your Faith be increased, find Peace, find Joy, find hope in your waiting!
"I am worn out waiting for your rescue, but I have put my hope in your word." Psalm 119:81
"He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength." Isaiah 40:29
The old song use to say...."Teach me Lord; Teach me Lord to wait". I think the writer was simply saying....you are going to have to teach me because waiting does not come natural and I do not know how to do it!
If you know me you know I hate to wait. I mean hate it. I don't want to wait for anything! I don't want to wait in a line or wait for a surprise. I don't want to wait to give a present or wait for a test result. Some of it is my personality, some human nature and some of it stems from being such a busy woman that waiting really feel like a complete waste of my precious time! So, when we started the adoption process I got the biggest lesson in waiting I had ever had!!
The adoption process is just that, once your paperwork is done you just wait. Wait! You have to be mentally, physically, and emotionally prepared to bring a child into your family at any moment but then wait. You have these dreams...these promises..... and yet you are forced to sit back and...wait. When you are biologically carrying a child you get an estimated due date....a light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. However, when you are "heart pregnant" with an adopted baby you have no due date....you must be ready for tomorrow but it could be weeks or month or even years. This was the hardest part for me and for most of the adoptive parents I have talked with. You feel so out of control. So vulnerable. Your heart is ready and aching. It is a painful place to be and yet we can learn so much during this time.
I learned so much about God's timing versus mine. How He really is not at all concerned or confined by our "human time". Most important I learned to Trust. To Trust His promises not based on my circumstances! See while waiting we question. If you read my prior post called Jeremiah you can really see this here. I had a promise, I had a dream but time was falling through my hands like grains of sand and the more time that passed the heavier my heart became. To the point, I began to question if I had even heard God right in the first place! Now that our family is complete it may seem silly that I felt this way.... that I found it hard to believe. I am a flawed human and so to be honest I became so weary in the waiting I questioned everything.
The other thing I learned about waiting is...it can be so lonely!! It feels as if others around you are going on with their lives and you are almost "stuck in time". You can't move forward or backward. You are just "treading water". This is where Trust and Faith comes in. This is where you can learn a deeper level of relationship with Jesus than you have ever known. To be put in a position where you learn that no matter how sad or lonely or hopeless I feel.... I choose to believe what He told me. I choose to believe what He placed in my heart. I know He is holding my hand on this journey so no matter how long it takes...I will not let go of His hand and I will keep walking! I don't care how tired I become or how tough the terrain is I will keep walking!
If you are reading this and you are waiting I know this will be hard to hear but waiting can be a gift! A gift from God to us. He can build our character and deepen our intimacy with Him. Through waiting He prepares us for the very greatness he has called us to walk into. This lesson of waiting can be used over and over in our lives and the lives of those around us. Waiting for wayward children to come back, broken marriages, healing, financial security, direction in ministry, and the list goes on and on. Life is a journey and the best things in life are so often only brought about after a "waiting period". Roman 5:3-11 tells us..."And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us."
So, whether you are a waiting adoptive parent or you are brought into this place of waiting for another reason. Allow your Heavenly Father to comfort you today and know that you will not stay in this place of waiting forever. This is a temporary season to bring you to what God ultimately has for you. Let your Faith be increased, find Peace, find Joy, find hope in your waiting!
"I am worn out waiting for your rescue, but I have put my hope in your word." Psalm 119:81
"He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength." Isaiah 40:29
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