And the Journey continues

"I want to spend my life mending broken people
I want to spend my life removing pain
Lord, let my words heal a heart that hurts..."



The words of that old song have been echoing in my heart today. I have people very close to me dealing with issues of loss and grief, life and death, broken families...all fighting, looking for that one thing that will get them through another day....another night.


In the last three years I have gotten a crash course it what it means to be "broken". I probably would have told you that I knew prior. I would have been wrong. I learned that being broken dashes away the very foundation of your soul. What you "knew" no longer exists. The familiar becomes your enemy...in part because of it's cruel reminders but also because you are now living as a stranger in your hometown. Some faces make look familiar but nothing is the same. You question everything.....and I mean everything. What you thought you knew is what you are now certain you did not. It is amazing that in our Journey we are always looking for familiar signs to guide our way and yet life is made up of moments that you stumble around in the dark trying to find a light switch. Broken is lonely. Broken is tired. Broken is that last moment where you begin to question if you in fact have the strength to fight anymore. You bargain. You re-evaluate. You call out for anything to help. What you need is Hope.



In my next few writings I will take you through some of my specific travels on my Journey. I am not a professional writer. My writings are a raw collection of thoughts and at times I have gone back to edit into a more palatable format....only to realize I lost the essence of me. So, I have decided from here on out to stick with this style. My style. I hope I don't frustrate you too much. wink.



In desperation there is one common thread from the beginning of time. Crisis needs a hero. Distress needs a saviour. People from all walks of life and religious or non religious backgrounds can agree on one thing. They believe in Hope. Now they may not even call it that. Some may look inside themselves.....some may find it in a "higher power" some believe in God while others find their "hope" in the absence of God. So, aside from a small group I stand behind the statement that the human spirit is designed to yearn for Hope. Without it....well without it we are a hopeless, lost, wandering soul....a sad picture of humanity.



In 2010 I begin to write about this concept of Journeying to Hope following the very difficult adoption process of our fifth child. This concept was very real to me and I could see how our Journey evolved into a greater understanding of what it meant to quite literally Journey toward Hope. I may have at that point tied my new found beliefs into a nice little bow and set them on a display shelf and then the last three years happened. Then I learned that the Journey was about a continual quest...one where I would have to be reminded over and over again that my pursuit of Hope would never end. My Journey to Hope would be a daily pursuit where I would forge ahead when I questioned because what I could not question is....where Hope has already brought me this far.



My experiences would now govern my Journey. I could look back at something like the pain of a failed adoption but then as I look in my daughters eyes I could see there was always Hope....because it's namesake was standing in front of me. Why is that one life experience not enough to settle the deal for life?? I can only assume because I am a human and part of our nature is to need to be reminded of the same thing over and over and over again.


SO, back to the beginning. Today I was reminded of the adoption blog I started and this concept and I thought....our Journey continues. So, if my writings bring life and compassion and inspiration to one person....one family....then I need to pick up where I left off. Maybe I will continue to help you. Maybe I will continue to help me. Maybe this will become nothing more than an outlet for a middle aged mom who always dreamed of being a published writer. wink again. And so I begin.



My prayer, my purpose is
to love
to comfort
to inspire
to believe for the hopeless
to fight for the weak
to leave a legacy my children will carry through generations



In writing I think I "hope" to remind myself of the very things I want to inspire in others. After all, I do believe that many times the best way to heal your own heart is to help heal someone else's. <3

Choices

(written 3/01/2012)


The defintion of the word choices is "the right, power, or opportunity to choose".


Everyday we make choices that define who we are.  In big ways like the commitment to honesty and truth and in small ways like what we eat for dinner.  Life is a collection of moments that are born out of the choices we have made.   Maturity and Character remind us that every choice we make affects the people around us.  As the old quote goes...."No man is an island".  It is impossible to compartmentalize our decisions in a way that they will not impact the people we love.  The lie is that we can make decisions about our lives and disregard this impact.

Choices are a direct result of what is in our heart.   If our heart belongs to Jesus and abides in truth and honesty than the result of that will be honorable choices.  Even Jesus didn't want a dictator relationship with us.  He wanted our relationship to love Him to be a choice that we make in our own heart.  That is why He gave us free will.  He desired a real relationship, a real commitment that did not come out of a divided heart. The downside to free will is that so often we exercise ours to make choices that our outside of the confines of His guidance.  Rules and Regulations are designed to protect us.  We teach our children not to play in roads....not because it wouldn't be fun to toss a ball  in the street but because  we know there is a danger that could befall them that they would be oblivious to as they played. Bad choices can make us oblivious to our own surroundings.

The more we learn about God and His Word the more we understand why He gave us guidelines to follow. He loves us and He wants to protect us....even from our own sin nature.  The selfishness that exists inside all of us makes us all susceptible to making poor choices. I have watched people I love destroy their lives right in front of my eyes because they felt they had "the right" to make awful choices.  In the end, they did.  They had the "right" but they will also bear the scars of those choices and so will those they claim to love.  The inability to see the future has destroyed many a life.  This is so sad and completely unnecessary because if we would trust God and read His handbook for our life than we could see how He gives us insight into the destructive future of bad choices. What feels good in the moment is so often the most damaging to our soul.

Often we use " Forgiveness" as a justification for our actions. "I am only human" or "I have needs" helps to blind us to our impaction circle (the people who become part of our collateral damage).  We all need forgiveness.  Forgiveness is an amazing gift.  However, I have seen the abuse of grace and forgiveness over and over.  Just as I have seen the reality of choices be disregarded.  See you can be forgiven and still have to live with horrific aftermath.  Forgiveness does not magically erase consequences!  Don't be fooled! The day we become a parent we are making a choice.....a choice to always shelter love and protect this person we are responsible for.  We are no longer able to think just of ourselves but every single choice we make we have to consider the well being of our child.  The same with a marriage...we stand at an altar and make a vow before God and our family and promise to forever consider the feelings and well being of that individual with the same concern as if they were our flesh and blood. Children, sisters and brothers, mothers and fathers, family and friends, co-workers...everyone in our circle is affected by our choices and decisions. How ever fair or unfair this may seem it is real life!  My life has a domino effect on those around me.  We teach our children most by our example. Honesty teaches Honesty.  Truth teaches Truth.  Character teaches Character.

So, when making those hard choices....the ones done in private...call to mind the faces and the hearts you love most dearly.  Call to mind the legacy you want to live.  Call to mind the kind of person you want your children to become and then.  Then.  Make choices that reflect the mark you want to leave on those people...the mark you want to leave on this earth.  Who you want to be that one day you stand before your Maker and give an account for all of it.   <3

Our choices effest the people around us