And the Journey continues

"I want to spend my life mending broken people
I want to spend my life removing pain
Lord, let my words heal a heart that hurts..."



The words of that old song have been echoing in my heart today. I have people very close to me dealing with issues of loss and grief, life and death, broken families...all fighting, looking for that one thing that will get them through another day....another night.


In the last three years I have gotten a crash course it what it means to be "broken". I probably would have told you that I knew prior. I would have been wrong. I learned that being broken dashes away the very foundation of your soul. What you "knew" no longer exists. The familiar becomes your enemy...in part because of it's cruel reminders but also because you are now living as a stranger in your hometown. Some faces make look familiar but nothing is the same. You question everything.....and I mean everything. What you thought you knew is what you are now certain you did not. It is amazing that in our Journey we are always looking for familiar signs to guide our way and yet life is made up of moments that you stumble around in the dark trying to find a light switch. Broken is lonely. Broken is tired. Broken is that last moment where you begin to question if you in fact have the strength to fight anymore. You bargain. You re-evaluate. You call out for anything to help. What you need is Hope.



In my next few writings I will take you through some of my specific travels on my Journey. I am not a professional writer. My writings are a raw collection of thoughts and at times I have gone back to edit into a more palatable format....only to realize I lost the essence of me. So, I have decided from here on out to stick with this style. My style. I hope I don't frustrate you too much. wink.



In desperation there is one common thread from the beginning of time. Crisis needs a hero. Distress needs a saviour. People from all walks of life and religious or non religious backgrounds can agree on one thing. They believe in Hope. Now they may not even call it that. Some may look inside themselves.....some may find it in a "higher power" some believe in God while others find their "hope" in the absence of God. So, aside from a small group I stand behind the statement that the human spirit is designed to yearn for Hope. Without it....well without it we are a hopeless, lost, wandering soul....a sad picture of humanity.



In 2010 I begin to write about this concept of Journeying to Hope following the very difficult adoption process of our fifth child. This concept was very real to me and I could see how our Journey evolved into a greater understanding of what it meant to quite literally Journey toward Hope. I may have at that point tied my new found beliefs into a nice little bow and set them on a display shelf and then the last three years happened. Then I learned that the Journey was about a continual quest...one where I would have to be reminded over and over again that my pursuit of Hope would never end. My Journey to Hope would be a daily pursuit where I would forge ahead when I questioned because what I could not question is....where Hope has already brought me this far.



My experiences would now govern my Journey. I could look back at something like the pain of a failed adoption but then as I look in my daughters eyes I could see there was always Hope....because it's namesake was standing in front of me. Why is that one life experience not enough to settle the deal for life?? I can only assume because I am a human and part of our nature is to need to be reminded of the same thing over and over and over again.


SO, back to the beginning. Today I was reminded of the adoption blog I started and this concept and I thought....our Journey continues. So, if my writings bring life and compassion and inspiration to one person....one family....then I need to pick up where I left off. Maybe I will continue to help you. Maybe I will continue to help me. Maybe this will become nothing more than an outlet for a middle aged mom who always dreamed of being a published writer. wink again. And so I begin.



My prayer, my purpose is
to love
to comfort
to inspire
to believe for the hopeless
to fight for the weak
to leave a legacy my children will carry through generations



In writing I think I "hope" to remind myself of the very things I want to inspire in others. After all, I do believe that many times the best way to heal your own heart is to help heal someone else's. <3